Tag Archives: #isurvivorchick

Free Write Friday ~ Grace Notes by JM Fuller featuring “The Shadow of Your Smile~ Gil Fuller & Monterey Jazz Festival Orchestra performed by Dizzy Gillespie



Happy Free Write Friday!  Wishing you a joyous holiday season filled Joy, fun, inspiration, freedom and peace…

This is an excerpt from:  The Sounds I Felt:  Improvisations on Freedom This is a Literary Companion to my father’s CD and the selection that sums up my Season of Improvisation in 1965 is “The Shadow of Your Smile” (Love Theme from the Sandpiper) I hope you enjoy it

Grace Notes

Dear Dad,

Thank you for giving me life.

Mom and God gave me all the rest.

Here’s what I have learned from my greatest teachers….

My journey began from the 1st sound of you humming the song you wrote for me.

Releasing my heart to search for the life that is waiting for me.

You were the one who taught me to dance atop your feet when you were called

To be the Conductor for the 1965 Monterey Jazz Festival Orchestra

The summer of 1965 would be my master class in the art of jazz improvisation.

It was a master class filled with civil, women’s rights and a cultural revolution that changed the face of American Life

August set things off.

Bringing forth a Tsunamic red tide attacking, redefining Life with discordant notes of ignorance, illiteracy, desolation, fear and destruction.

And so my song took flight.

Timing is critical in jazz as in life,

Knowing when to stop, start, step it up, slow it down

And more so,  and

oh so important is to learn how to wait thru the strife.

Jazz harmony is the theory and practice of changing chords,

where major and minor scales share the same space in a timeless             bond…

progressions depart in thirds and stacked fourths

favoring harmonic progressions where tensions in intervals                          of 9th , 11th, or 13th abound.

Learned about the search for meaning, intentions and having the blues

Finding your truth and appreciating a life of humility

‘cause the universe is misting the air with valuable clues

now you have the essence of a universal tranquility.

Notes are just window dressing a façade you create

listen to the spoken word filled with meaning

of the path and choices you debate

Play it slant is the message best heard in the evening.

Learned that being different is the integral part of the plan

pressing forward seeing how far you can reach

harmonies in real-time, flowing and ebbing broadening the span

of improvisational context is what matters in all you teach .

Learned that playing jazz has four elements

broadening your words and expressing every letter

in a charismatic way to enhance

finding your intentions and mixing all together

where freedom and coordination can really dance.

Jazz has the power to go deep within,

having a relationship with you as next of kin

surpassing arrogance into a love of sound and words

sharing that experience like the legends you’ve heard.

Now three years after your death,

I discovered in your music room the Gibson Guitar in case you                    gave to me

Nestled beneath the pristine guitar

A hand written note to me,

like in a bottle,

Uncorked my heart you wrote,

July 30, 1979


Jazz is my language. 

Notes are all I know to tell you how much I love you,

And I know that that is not what you wanted,

I wanted to spare you the struggles I faced to be

Your dad and to express the love for my family through

Jazz without words.

So now I am going to tell you that I know you

Were secretly writing in your room.

I want you to know what I couldn’t express it in notes…

If you truly want to be a writer,

you will have to sacrifice your life.

 that words are the loves of your life. 

It is a choice that you cannot shake. 

It brings happiness, patience, love and peace.

You are miserable and tortured if you don’t write.

Self-expression is overrated when it comes to

the ‘hour of the wolf’

 when it seems that the words are discordant and fretful. 

The trick is they are your children

 be humble and allow them the love and respect that you claim for yourself. 

 I was very fortunate to have met your mother, she gave me you and your brother. 

So I did not have to make that choice alone. 

So your family is words and jazz replete with lessons on life,

discernment and discovering who you are,

who you’ve been and most of all be grateful

to God for the talent to write.  

Write your heart out, share your soul.

That is what happens to me when I am writing a song. 

The notes are my children too.  I know you think that I made your life difficult,

but you will realize some day that when you look back

it is the fuel you’ll need to be who you are.

That’s your story. 

Love Dad

In 2000, I was saved by jazz

healing my soul and my body from

breast cancer’s trials and tribulations

Finding peace on earth filled with

joyous jubilation!

I am waiting and discovering a life filled with wonder and love…

I am definitely on the right wake…

portions of hard times, mean and hurtful folks, mistakes, failures

creating a wisdom that it is

It is not the number of years in a life that matters…it is the life in the years that counts.

To this end, for all of my life coaches,

I have,

Fallen in love with sounds and words,

They are truly the grace notes that have transfromed

and healed my life.

Thank you so much,

Your loving daughter,


Copyright © 2016 by JM Fuller/Jannat Marie/Jazzybeatchick/. All rights Reserved.

This material has been copyrighted, feel free to share it with others; it can be distributed via social media or pingbacks or added to websites; please do not change the original content and please provide appropriate credit by including the author’s name or visual artist @ https://jazzenbeatchick.wordpress.com/.  Readers shall not be charged by you under any circumstance for any or all of this content.



“Les Miz” is Alive & Well ~ The Plight of Homeless in East Bay California USA featuring Gypsy Woman (She Is Homeless) George White Group

“So long as ignorance and poverty exist on earth, books of the nature of Les Miserables cannot fail to be of use.”  Victor HugoLes Misérables

We seldom realize, for example, that our most private thoughts and emotions are not actually our own.  For we think in terms of languages and images we did not invent, but which were given to us by our society.  We copy emotional reactions from our parents, learning from them that excrement is suppose to have a disgusting smell and that vomiting is suppose to be an unpleasant sensation.  The dread of death is also learned from anxieties about sickness and from their attitudes to funerals and corpses.  Our social environment has this power just because we do not exist apart from a society.  Society is our extended mind and body.  Yet the very society from which the individual is inseparable is using its whole irresistible force to persuade the individual that he is indeed separate!  Society as we know it is therefore playing a game with self-contradictory rules.”  Alan Watts says…November 12, 2016

Excerpt from:  When Jazz Becomes Freedom (treatment)

Welcome to the woderful World of Homelessness & Poverty.  It is only temporary.  Jazzmin refused to take residence.  The Zen alarm on her cell phone @8:52 am chimed this message ,  It had been a long night .  Nights filled with tortured and sleepless  filled with fear of epic proportions every time Jazz had to go to the bathroom.  Since the first day, it was on the hour.  This is the best description of the level of emotional turmoil and investment of understanding of the World of Homelessness.  It is not based on curiosity mind you, because you see enough images and stories, it is based on how the hell a person who grew up in a comfortable, safe eleven room house, two loving parental units in a 60s suburb nestled between Hollywood and Beverly Hills where listening to Jazz was the only substrate  and at the tender age of three, fell in love with sounds and words, landed in The Blade.

LOGLINE: “When Jazz Becomes Freedom” After her mother’s death on Mother’s Day from breast cancer, a boomer artist is dropped into living  for13 ½ years  in the dangerous world  of Poverty & Homelessness facing her final  and biggest struggle  to break free of its clutches.

Jazzmin (“Jazz”) has changed.  It is now from the inside out.  It is where the entire concept of Homelessness is called into question.  Homeless refers to having a home, working and making a living where you have the stuff that supports your lifestyle.  THE PROBLEM:  Our Society’s  constructive definition or as Jazz’s slumlord refers to as those people , are comprised of veterans; convicted drug felons; the mentally ill (untreated); those with addictions (in/out of recovery); those released from jail or prison (for theft, murder and sexual assault); and last but not least unskilled, illiterate folks fleeing subhuman conditions by the thousands who never ever experienced living in a “HOME” are now considered HOMELESS.  It is a NO WIN situation.  Hard to believe and even harder to survive.  Therein lies the riff.

When you take a closer look at Affordable Housing, in this world and Housing Programs are based on the main construct for resolving  issues for the segment of the population that want to have a job, home, car, kids, lifestyle….  That does not fit the life of a homeless person.  And the conditions upon which they have to choose to live in represents the sediment of American Society.   Jazz’s transformation and was submerged into the last part of the journey.  It is where the 7 Deadly Sins are played out.  The disorder introduced into our human nature by Adam’s fall from grace reveals itself especially through seven dominant vices known in our Catholic tradition as the capital sins. These are: pride, avarice, lust, anger, gluttony, envy, and sloth. We call them “capital” sins (from the Latin caput, meaning “head”) because they are the sources or fountainheads of all the sins people commit, whether sins of commission or sins of omission. We call them “deadly” because they cause spiritual death.” Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen liked to call them the “seven pallbearers of the soul.”

Spiritual growth is impossible unless we try to dig up the roots of our sins with the help of God’s illuminating and sanctifying grace.  This is Jazz’s 288 day journey…

Don’t Drink the Water

The Situation:  Space between Living and Struggling to Survive.  Formation of Partnership

First step is creating a healthy partnership with our own spirit so that it becomes clear and necessary to partner with your soul and inner life.

For me, the Ocean represents and beautifully exemplifies life’s natural and perfect Partnership. They are inextricably interconnected, yet fully independent, each giving and receiving life support in equal portion. New partnership is filled with possibilities that are filled with joy, inspire,  and will sustain you through times of deep trouble and when you have a win/win partnership, it brings a tremendous about of abundance, harmony, and aliveness into your life. So the Dark Night of the Soul’s question is: Are you that person that you would love to partner with? Experience has proven, like attracts like, so the quickest way to attract an ideal partner is to be an ideal partner.  Jazzmin had been unhappy too long to remember.

Wait there’s more!  Stay tuned…

Copyright © 2011-2016 by Jannat Marie /Jazzybeatchick/JM Fuller. All rights Reserved.

This material has been copyrighted, feel free to share it with others; it can be distributed via social media or pingbacks or added to websites; please do not change the original content and please provide appropriate credit by including the author’s name or visual artist @ https://jazzenbeatchick.wordpress.com.  Your readers shall not be charged by you under any circumstance.

3 EZ PZ Self Care Happy Beats When the Forecast ain’t nothing but the Blues


Mindfulness and the techniques I learned from jazz improvisation that my father taught me as well as using my love of literary and visual arts saved my life.  Through developing a practice over the past 25 years, I have learned to rewire my mind through neuroplasticity techniques so that I am not stuck in “Victim” mode feeling more helpless than I did before I received the diagnosis.  I realized that it would have been ideal if there was a Mindfulness meditative or visualization that was introduced in order to start thinking and building a practice that you have control over and will give relief from the stresses of the treatment, but it allows you to be an active participant in your life.  Once the body was taken care of, they give me a big ass smile and a slap on the back telling me that you are all set.  We have saved your life, now, the rest is up to you.  Now, if you have the ideal situation, you know, this whole cancer business is just a dream and I am cured so I can go back to what I was doing.  That is not true in my case.  And beause I am so damn good at taking care of my self, pampering and doing things that before the diagnosis I thought was decadent.

Here are three mindfulness improvisation self care tips that will leave bad habits in the dust and shed light into your life bringing you to your very special happy place.

Here is one of my Happiest Beats from my childhood…

If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are — if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time. ~ Joseph Campbell

Mindfulness is your portal to be present in your daily life. For me mindfulness in concert with techniques from jazz improvisation is a way for me to live creatively in the moment and not emotionally reacting to everything  and everyone. When we live in the present it allows us to let go of the pain of the past and the worries or expectations of the future so we can focus on what we have now. It is not a matter of denial or I will be happy with a million bucks or all of my bills are paid because the price of living is that bills will always be there.  There will always be an expense for living.  Finding gratitude for the things we do, even the smallest thing gives me a sense of peace.  Worry over being able to meet our daily lives takes us out of ourselves and life, then seems like an uphill battle and we lose sight of the present moment.  We get caught up and eventually will disappear from our lives.  Mindfulness gives you the choice of what to focus on and redirects the mind to stop letting the past shape and distort the future and lose the present moment.  You no longer dwell on things you cannot change and rely and react emotionally to them which can be quite exhausting. One of the biggest perks of mindfulness is that you can minimize anxiety and stress. Living in the moment and creatively brings more joy, clarity, wellness and energy.

The best way to cultivate mindfulness is through meditation   So how can you do this?  When you  meditate you can  detach yourself and become a witness or an observer and it will release you to explore ways that work for you.  Now it takes a whole lot of practice and finding a different perspective to help you to find your happy quiet space between those thoughts. You quiet your ego driven, obsessive thinking (“monkey mind”, and start responding instinctively. Meditation allows you to relax and to listen to your inner spirit that will allow your thoughts to detach and flow. This is the Happy Place, where you begin awakening and manifesting your dreams.  You are now in touch with who you really are; with what matters most to you as well as becomes your way of improvising on life  so you face adversity and the challenges in your daily routine imparting your own style.

Here are three mindfulness improvisation tips for self care that will leave bad habits in the dust and shed light into your life bringing you to your very special happy place.

#1: . Get Your Mind into it:  Mindfulness Meditation 

When I started 20 years ago I began  with ten, then fifteen minute meditation twice a day.  First thing in the morning and then again in the evening at the end of your day.   Here is one of my favorites.

Mindfulness Meditation – Quick 15 Min Stress Relief Version

If you want to fold it into your daily routine begin with eating a healthy, balanced diet that would include fresh organic food.  Or how about a walking meditation or yoga class to help you to connect with your body that helps you to center yourself, and find balance?   The benefits are a good night’s sleep that will rejuvenate and detoxify your mind and body.

#2: Taking Good Care of Yourself

Your objective ~ to connect with those things that truly make you happy. Target that thing, place, or activity that creates space every day.  This is not negotiable and a top priority.  A total Ah Ha! Moment!

Block out time in your day—take five minutes or an hour — start with a time frame you are most comfortable with.  Do something you love. Listen to music, read a good book, sit in silence by the water or a fire, or even try dancing in your bare feet in the living room. Give yourself a star on your calendar every time you do it. Believe me, you will feel more inspired and creative.

#3:   Flow with an Attitude of Gratitude

You can start by counting your blessings!  This lets you realize how good your life truly is and connects you with the abundance in your life.  I have found that it attracts more prosperity and is way more rewarding.. Surround yourself with what you think is beautiful, and be grateful for it in your home, your work space, your clothes, I think you get the picture.

I love to take this time and combine it with my nightly 15 minute mindfulness meditation routine just before bed.  It is a perfect way to open your heart and to dream beautiful dreams.  Mind you, I am no spring chicken and that it does not happen overnight.  I am also a late bloomer so some folks get right away and then there are folks like me that work at it until it takes hold and opens your heart and life to the wonders and joy of life’s possibility.  Give it a go.  Peace and love out!

Copyright © 2016 by JM Fuller/Jannat Marie/Jazzybeatchick/. All rights Reserved.

This material has been copyrighted, feel free to share it with others; it can be distributed via social media or pingbacks or added to websites; please do not change the original content and please provide appropriate credit by including the author’s name or visual artist @ https://jazzenbeatchick.wordpress.com/.  Readers shall not be charged by you under any circumstance for any or all of this content.

Back To the Future ~Monterey Jazz Festival 2016 Remembering the Terror featuring “A Terror is More Certain . . . By Bob Kaufman”


Forty years ago today, large sections of South Los Angeles went up in flames. The violence and looting came to be known as the Watts riots. The chaos was a precursor to the urban unrest other cities would soon experience. In a few moments, we’ll hear from a man who continues to activism that sprang from the 1965 riots, but, first, some history. ~ Adolfo Guzman Lopez, Reporter for KPCC

Where were you when the Watts riots dropped the Tsunami of hate, violence, and most of all fear and pierced the veil of the Depression and the 50’s through the Industrial Revolution and the Information technology of Left Brainers sans the Compassion.  It was just a matter of time before the Mind-Spirit portion of our Humanness becomes awakened to the unintended consequences of miracles and breakthroughs to automate and replace people.  It has been over twenty years since Ihave been a survivor and the longer I survive the worse it gets.  People nowadays get that glazed look on their face when you say you are a survivor.  I first was in sensed because when the time came and I put my DNR into place and when it came time at 2:32 am on November 20, 2000 for me to be rolled back into the operating room and me stopping the gurney by holding onto the door frame “Wait, I have a DNR!  Where the hell are we going?”  Through her mask, “…let go, your mom rescinded it.”  “Mom, what the He** is going on?  Can’t you just let me go?  After ten excruciatingly dizzying beats, “Not Now!”

That was my Fourth Noble Truth,  that  I figured out in my memoir where using jazz improvisation techniques, mindfulness meditations and literary and visual arts have saved my life.  It was 1965 that kicked it all into motion and that is why I thought that sharing in the Freedom Beats companion would prove how I regard my breast cancer journey on a jazz lit canvas.  The memories I seem to remember were having the feeling of helplessness, fear and at eleven years old, that was some pretty deep stuff.  That is why I selected Bob Kaufman’s A Terror is More Certain  capturing how listening to Angel City Blues the song beginning light and deliberations to an absolute terror filled frenzy of destruction and loss.  What feelings do you experience when you listen?  Peace Out!

A Terror is More Certain . . .

By Bob Kaufman

A terror is more certain than all the rare desirable popular songs I
know, than even now when all of my myths have become . . . , & walk
around in black shiny galoshes & carry dirty laundry to & fro, & read
great books & don’t know criminals intimately, & publish fat books of
the month & have wifeys that are lousy in bed & never realize how
bad my writing is because i am poor & symbolize myself.

A certain desirable is more terror to me than all that’s rare. How
come they don’t give an academic award to all the movie stars that
die? they’re still acting, ain’t they? even if they are dead, it should
not be held against them, after all they still have the public on their
side, how would you like to be a dead movie star & have people sit-
ting on your grave?

A rare me is more certain than desirable, that’s all the terror, there
are too many basketball players in this world & too much progress
in the burial industry, lets have old fashioned funerals & stand
around & forgive & borrow wet handkerchiefs, & sneak out for
drinks & help load the guy into the wagon, & feel sad & make a
date with the widow & believe we don’t see all of the people sink-
ing into the subways going to basketball games & designing baby
sitters at Madison Square Garden.

A certain me is desirable, what is so rare as air in a Poem, why can’t
i write a foreign movie like all the other boys my age, I confess to all
the crimes committed during the month of April, but not to save
my own neck, which is adjustable, & telescopes into any size noose,
I’m doing it to save Gertrude Stein’s reputation, who is secretly
flying model airplanes for the underground railroad stern gang of
oz, & is the favorite in all the bouts . . . not officially opened yet
Holland tunnel is the one who writes untrue phone numbers.

A desirable poem is more rare than rare, & terror is certain, who
wants to be a poet & work a twenty four hour shift, they never ask
you first, who wants to listen to the radiator play string quartets all
night. I want to be allowed not to be, suppose a man wants to
swing on the kiddie swings, should people be allowed to stab him
with queer looks & drag him off to bed & its no fun on top of a
lady when her hair is full of shiny little machines & your a**
reflected in that television screen, who wants to be a poet if you
f**k on t.v. & all those cowboys watching.

Bob Kaufman, “A Terror is More Certain . . .” from Cranial GuitarCopyright © 1996 by Eileen Kaufman. Reprinted by permission of Coffee House Press. http://www.coffeehousepress.org

Source: Cranial Guitar (Coffee House Press, 1996)

Copyright © 2016 by JM Fuller/Jannat Marie/Jazzybeatchick/. All rights Reserved.

This material has been copyrighted, feel free to share it with others; it can be distributed via social media or pingbacks or added to websites; please do not change the original content and please provide appropriate credit by including the author’s name or visual artist @ https://jazzenbeatchick.wordpress.com/.  Readers shall not be charged by you under any circumstance for any or all of this content.