“Breathing in, I see myself
as still water.
Breathing out, I reflect
things as they
are“ Thich Nhat Hanh
This is my 1st post for this new blog. I am nervous. I ask for mercy. My name is JM Fuller (nom de plume) aka Jazzybeatchick. I am a mixed, late blooming, Boomer Breast Cancer “Super” Survivor chick living with a neuropathy and Lymphedema who loves to write books I would love to read and scripts that I would watch. They are honest, concerned with real lives, human hearts, spiritual transformation, memories, families, secrets, wonder, and craziness—most of all that makes me laugh. Falling into the depths of racism, life’s tribulation and grief, I chose to write stories and scripts that would include community, simplicity and nature. Books, for me, are music for my soul.
Breast Cancer first dropped into my life in 1997 when my mother’s returned after 13 years in remission. Three years later in 2000 I was diagnosed. My first major illness was Guillain Barré Syndrome (“GBS”) in 1990, an autoimmune neuropathy similar to MS. Just 4 months after my release from the hospital I was rushed back to the Emergency Room and had to have emergency surgery for what I now know was uterine cancer, but in 1991, very little research on genetic implications had been done with respect to female cancers. Now I am living with Lymphedema and the deteriorating neuropathy the hardest challenge of my life as a non white female, cut down in career prime, living on a limited income dealing with the psychosocial effects of Breast Cancer and finding a way to Renew, Reboot and to do an Encore filled to the gills living a Happy and Healthy and Meaningful Life.
iSurvivor | Zen of a Self Made Life is my new blog where my memories are cast on a literary substrate that creates a portal to finding meaning in my life using mindfulness jazz improvisational techniques that I learned from my father. My instruments are words, mixed media arts. I have to play the utterances that manifest when listening to the sounds that are translated into words. ife after cancer treatment through mindfulness, improvisation, as a portal to living your best life. It is my dream to create a special and unique place especially designed for breast cancer survivors from underserved areas , that would consist of a sponsored weekend for them and a guest on the Northern California Coast featuring workshops, Jazz improvisation, focus groups, delicious cuisine and classes, mindfulness, meditation walks and exercises, yoga, Dharma & Healing Arts projects where exploring and discovering ways to use all of your senses to Rest, Rejuvenate, Restore so that you can live the life that is waiting for you.
I have completed the first draft of a Literary Companion entitled Breast Cancer on a Jazz Lit Canvas: The Healing & Transformative Powers of Improvisation in homage to my father Gil Fuller’s 20 year Reunion with Dizzy Gillespie & James Moody entitled: Dizzy Gillespie & James Moody with Gil Fuller the Monterey Jazz Festival Orchestra 2007 Digital Remaster. This Companion is set in Los Angeles and Monterey, California during the 1960’s Jazz scene. It captures the Civil Rights and Women’s movement; the intensified racial unrest of the Watts riots; insuperable barriers of chauvinism; the coming-of-age story that addresses the difficulty of loss and betrayal and identity. It is an invitation to the inside world of a racially mixed girl growing up with a renown jazz conductor and arranger who secretly wrote to cope with being “off-white” and adversities and her battle with Breast Cancer and a deteriorating neuropathy to pursue her gift and passion for writing as her art form that saved and healed her at 62 years of age.
I hope that you will join me on this journey and will share your feedback, comments and insights, I will gladly return the kindness as well. The next post will be an excerpt from the Prelude… Till then, In Joy ‘n Lite, JM
by JM Fuller
I don’t care if cancer exist nor how many cures they seek.
I am curious to know if you have discovered
Who You truly are or
are you still trying to fit in and pretend you’re cured
or maybe it never happened!
I am curious to know if you have suffered and ceded control enough or
Do you hear it in our children?
Are you living in the world?
or are you of this world?
Cloaked with its bedazzled oppressive nexus
making you conform when reflecting
through fine tuned sensitive ears,
Proclaiming THIS IS WHO I AM!
Are you improvising how to
thrive in this cultural inferno by
leaning in to the center of your dreams
Accepting to live in every precious moment
remaining profoundly rooted in a universal love
being fully aware you can consciously re-Create
dismissing all of the misguided missives
that originated in cancer’s most treacherous Cultural deceitful wake.
The war is over and the battle eclipses every aspect until
your consciousness is raised and
the reunion of mind-body-spirit is celebrated,
beginning a transformative healing process that
empowers you to become who you
were destined to be.